100 Ways to Have Better Manners

  1. Answer the phone “Hello.”
  2. Using your turn signal.
  3. Actually stopping at STOP signs.
  4. Keeping to the speed limit, or at least thereabouts.
  5. Holding a door open for someone.
  6. Smile.
  7. Controlling your children in public instead of letting them run all over the place or jumping up and down or screaming or whatever. They are YOUR children, not OUR children.
  8. Speaking of children, stop getting so defensive and upset when a stranger should reprimand one of your little angels. Your kid isn’t perfect, and if you’d been doing your job right in the first place, no one would have to reprimand your child. Besides, you should be thrilled that someone cares enough to actually try to protect your child or to teach your child a lesson.
  9. When in public, stop talking loudly on your cell phone. The rest of us don’t care about your conversations.
  10. When you are in a place that has a sign reading, “Turn off your cell phone,” then turn off your cell phone!
  11. Apologize when you accidentally bump into someone.
  12. At the grocery store, don’t take up an entire aisle with your cart or your whole family or your ten kids and cats and dogs or whomever or whatever you’ve decided to straggle along with you at the store.
  13. Don’t pee in a public pool.
  14. Don’t pee in a public fountain.
  15. Don’t pee in public, period.
  16. Don’t do worse than peeing in public. Get it?
  17. Say “please” and “thank you.”
  18. Don’t cut off other drivers.
  19. And then slow down to a crawl.
  20. Don’t have sex in public.
  21. Did I mention smiling?
  22. Be patient in lines. The rest of us have to wait, too.
  23. Don’t jump in when another is talking.
  24. Wash your hands. Germs spread, my friend.
  25. Wear shoes in public.
  26. And a shirt.
  27. Don’t argue loudly in public. The rest of us really don’t care, and while you obviously don’t care, you are only making yourself look like the one at fault. Oh, and yeah, you look like an ass, too.
  28. Don’t play with your food. Yuck!
  29. Don’t throw your food. It’s fun, but not a sign of good manners.
  30. At a public ATM, limit yourself to one function. Yes, I said “one.” Okay, you can check your balance, too, but anything beyond that and you’re just being an ass.
  31. When you go up to the service counter at the grocery store, again, limit yourself to one function. You don’t have to do all your shopping, buying your lottery tickets, buying your stamps, making of complaints, bringing back of items, all at the same damn time!
  32. Don’t park in more than one parking spot. Ever. No matter what kind of vehicle you drive. If you happen to be drive some brand spanking new expensive vehicle, park it further away from the store where there are fewer other automobiles. But still only take up one space.
  33. Don’t park in a handicapped parking spot unless you are actually disabled. Borrowing a relative’s parking sticker doesn’t count. You’d still be an ass.
  34. Don’t park in front of store entrances. Everyone else needs to enter and exit.
  35. Don’t park in a fire zone. In case, you know, there’s a fire.
  36. Don’t make a huge order in the drive-thru. Be real, get off your lazy butt and go inside.
  37. Don’t complain about your job in front of customers, clients, whatever, the general public. No one else cares, for one thing, and you look more stupid than your workplace looks bad.
  38. Well-intentioned heckling at sporting events is okay. Becoming mean-spirited and personal about is not. It’s just a game. The sun will still rise tomorrow whether your team loses or wins, I promise.
  39. Cursing in public. Oh lordy, can’t include this one. It might violate someone’s rights for something. It’s a free country, after all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But guess what? It also makes you look like a f*cktard.
  40. Smoking where you’re not supposed to be smoking. I don’t like all these modern bans on smoking either, but for the love of all that’s holy, just follow the rules. It’s simple.
  41. Don’t drink and drive.
  42. Don’t have sex while you’re driving.
  43. Don’t do much of anything while driving other than driving.
  44. Offer your bus seat to the elderly or disabled person who is standing because of crowding.
  45. Scratch off your lottery tickets somewhere else than directly in front of the counter where you bought those tickets. Better yet, stop being stupid with your money and stop playing the lottery altogether.
  46. Don’t talk during movies. At least public movies. You can do what you want at home.
  47. If you feel the need to carry a firearm, and live in a place where that’s legal, do so concealed (if it, too, is legal). Yes, yes, you’ve got rights. We’ve all got rights. Here, I’ll use my First Amendment rights: You don’t look cool with your Smith & Wesson on your hip. To many of us, a gun on your hip just makes you look scared and weak, unless you’re in uniform. It’s true, of course, you will scare some people, but if you’re the kind of person who wants to be scaring others, that just proves how scared and weak youreally are. Carry it concealed, dude. No one else needs to see it. I myself carry, but no one knows that because I don’t advertise it. Except here. Ooops!
  48. Don’t ride someone else’s bumper.
  49. Don’t use your highbeams except when and where absolutely needed.
  50. Answer the phone. Whether at home or work, don’t wait for someone else to do it unless it is specifically their job to do so. It’s probably not.
  51. Don’t take the last soda in the fridge, at least not without asking.
  52. If you share a computer with someone else, don’t change all the settings, or at least make sure the settings were the same as when you got on the computer initially.
  53. Don’t be an online troll.
  54. Don’t start an online flame war.
  55. Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt, at least the first time. People don’t always mean to offend.
  56. Don’t be so critical of others, at least openly and verbally.
  57. Don’t spit on anyone. For any reason. Okay, maybe if they’re on fire. Then spit a lot.
  58. If you attend political rallies or other such public functions, show you have class by refraining from screaming and yelling. You will get your views across better by being restrained. And you won’t end up looking like a goober on CNN.
  59. Slow down and pull to the side of the road when you see an emergency vehicle coming. You never know, that might be a friend in that back of that ambulance or the police might be on the way to saving one of your relatives. But it really shouldn’t matter who is in such a vehicle.
  60. Compliment others.
  61. Offer to lend a hand to a neighbor, maybe with yard work or something similar.
  62. Use your napkin.
  63. Don’t eat with your fingers.
  64. Don’t slurp down your drink so fast it makes a bunch of noise.
  65. Don’t try to eat soup with a fork.
  66. If you are an angler, offer to clean your partner’s fish.
  67. Apologize. Whenever you should.
  68. In restaurants, remember to scoot your chair back beneath the table when you leave so that others will be able to walk by unimpeded.
  69. Also in restaurants, pull out a chair for others you are eating with.
  70. Don’t tap your fingers. Anywhere.
  71. Don’t chew on a pen or pencil or straw. At least not in public.
  72. Don’t slurp up your shake loudly.
  73. Don’t be an ass and leave negative reviews for artists on sites such as Amazon just because you don’t like them or have a personal beef with the person. Quite possibly that’s their livelihood. Screwing with their professional life for personal reasons is low. If you’ve honestly listened to, watched or read their material and didn’t care for it, that’s a different matter.
  74. Think of the other person first.
  75. Think of every other person first.
  76. Smile. Because it had to be mentioned again.
  77. Don’t jump to conclusions.
  78. Don’t try to jump in front of someone in line. You know who was there first. Yes, you do.
  79. Call someone just to say hello.
  80. Write a personal letter to someone and mail it through snail mail.
  81. Buy a gift for that special someone.
  82. Without having a particular reason for doing so.
  83. Don’t belittle others. It only makes you look bad. Honest.
  84. Don’t rush so much that you force others to have to step or drive out of your way.
  85. Bring gifts to parties and gatherings. A single gift for the host or hosts is appropriate. No need to gift everyone.
  86. If you can’t think of anything good to say, keep your trap shut.
  87. Eat healthy. This shows you care for others enough to care for yourself.
  88. When walking your dog, clean up its poo. Remember to take along those little plastic baggies.
  89. Give bicyclists the right-of-way on the road. In most places, you’re supposed to anyway.
  90. Don’t make a scene. Because you are the one who will look foolish. Not the person you’re mad at.
  91. Don’t drive in the car-pool lane unless you’re really carpooling.
  92. If you share a computer with others, clean off the keyboard and mouse from time to time.
  93. If you live with someone else, offer to do chores from time to time. Dishes are good. Taking out the garbage works, too. Laundry is even better.
  94. If you must criticize, do so constructively.
  95. Offer to buy liquor for kids. Just kidding! Making sure you’re paying attention.
  96. If you are a regular member of an online site, be willing to help newbies when they ask for it.
  97. And even if the newbies don’t ask for your help, don’t go out of your way to make their lives miserable.
  98. Give the last chocolate to someone else.
  99. If your significant other is a writer, offer to proof read and edit their work with them.
  100. If you are a writer, don’t be shy letting your significant other read your work.

Related links

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