How to fight fairly in a marriage

Fighting fairly in a marriage is important. Sometimes a good argument or venting is a necessity to clear the air for a relationship to continue to progress and evolve. Leaving things all bottled up can lead to a more disasterous venting…or explosion with huge connotations for the marriage. Hurtful words and/or phrases are lobbed at each other. Sooner or later, it resembles a battlefield of sorts, with volleys of words tossed at each other, with the spectre of break-ups, and even violence hanging over the marriage. Fair fighting is so necessary to prevent an escalating fight from taking place, so thereb is a proper venting of conflicting ideas so a common ground is met.

Regretably, many couples will have very vicious fights during their marriages: sometimes they’ll break up, sometimes they won’t. But whatever the case, the damage is done. Even if they do reconcile, the relationship is never the same-the sparkle of love is never as bright as it is used to be. Fights will always happen in any marriage, or other relationship. You can’t bring two different people together for a long-term relationship without sparks flying sooner or later. Issues will come up, such as the partner, his/her family, work, play, and monetary issues, to test the mettle of any relationship…married or not.

The axes will come out, honed to razor-sharp, more times than often in marital fights. The thing to do is to try and defuse that inevitable conflict as much as possible by fighting fairly. Name-calling, little shots and zingers are not necessary. In the anger-curve, from the reptilian areas of the human brain, ie ‘fight or flight’, a fight can easily escalate and nobody can stop it until the anger line in the human mind starts to come down considerably. An important thing to do is to try and talk it out, reach a common ground, after all you love your wife and husband. Sometimes, the solution is staring us right in the face and we refuse to see it because at the time we are seeing red.

Leave the egos, the bravado, the machoism, the hurt feelings behind. Talk to your partner in a calm, but assertive voice to try and find a solution in a fair fight that usually ends up in some form of mutually-agreed compromise. Then such a ‘fair fight’ becomes more like a propoer negotiation, ‘give-and-take’. Sure, you’ll still have your blow-outs-you wouldn’t be married if you didn’t…You wouldn’t be alive if you didn’t. But having ‘controlled’ arguments most of the time will bring these blow-outs to an absolute minimum…where it should be in the first place.

Fights are needed to clear the air. Fighting fairly not only clears the air, but strengthens the relationship in a non-confrontational manner that can do damage and leave deep scars that may never heal. The trick is to air ones’ differences in a way that leads to give-and-take on both sides-so a common level can be reached. In the process of doing so, love and respect is shown for the other partner (and reciprocated). In the end, a marriage can only be strengthened by confrontation and innuendo. Know your facts well before saying anything detrimental in an ‘unfair’ marital fight. You may feel good for awhile, but in the end destroy your marriage or at the very least shake its very foundations to the ground.

Fight fairly and nobody really loses in the end. At the end of the day, you may wonder what the ruckus was all about.

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