A fling might seem like the fun way to jazz up a period in your life that seems dull, stressed or colorless, but it’s an answer that will only end up hurting you and everyone involved. Here are some thoughts on talking yourself out of wanting to have a fling.
Look at the situation you are in. How are you feeling overall about the direction your life is taking and the relationships you currently have. It is very important to face the things that might be causing you to be looking for an easy “out” and name the feelings that go with your life challenges. Write down your concerns if it helps you to sort through them.
Look at the person you want to have a fling with. Perhaps he or she is great eye candy. Perhaps they have made you laugh like you haven’t managed to do for years. Perhaps they are so friendly that you have mistaken their outward nature for something more meaningful. Ask yourself exactly what it is about this person that appeals to you so much that you want to throw away a lot of things on the risk of a short-lived and ultimately unfulfilfilling fling. You must be very honest in your assessment of what it is about the other person that is making you feel the excitement, flutters, and passion.
Understand the realities of flings. Few flings satisfy, few lead to long-term commitments and many, if uncovered, lead to great sadness, loss, and change for all involved. Is that how you want to escape your life’s challenges? By making them an inevitable mess and ruination?
Imagine yourself further along in a fling relationship. Imagine what happens when the very things that attracted you start attracting someone else who is footloose and fancy free. Imagine what happens when the annoying habits start to become evident. Imagine what happens when one of you decides that things are getting too heavy, or that things are too casual – is this the sort of thing you want to be entangled in? Are you willing to trade a long time of shared history, tragedies, and joys with your lifetime partner for someone with whom everything is an unknown and can end terribly?
Talk to your life partner. Tell them that things are not feeling right between you and that it is time to take charge and sort out these feelings so that both of you can reignite the passion and excitement that once existed between you. Do exciting things again – challenge one another to repeat history by doing things you did together when younger. Shift your fling feelings back to your lifetime partner and surprise them with your renewed passion and love.
Consider children. If children are involved, be aware of how this hurts them. It is a very difficult thing to explain to children why your personal needs for passion outweigh trying harder with the person you selected to be their other parent. They don’t understand it at all and for some, it can be a lifetime scar.
This article has assumed that you are thinking of embarking on a fling of short duration; something you “think” will be easy to have and to keep simple. That in itself is an unrealistic expectation. When a fling evolves into an affair, the stakes are raised incredibly high and that is when people make decisions from which it is hard to turn back. The best answer is to knock the fling ideas on the head and keep your fantasies in your head. Sure, go ahead and admire the eye candy but make sure your love and commitment rests firmly with the person you decided to spend your life with and sort out the issues together.