My Bird Just Died

Funny True Story
I will try to do this true story justice but as they say ‘you really had to be there’.

Our company’s parts manager, Rick, is a young (late 30’s), easy going, country boy who likes to relax by playing golf. He is also always willing to help anyone with a problem. Rick was in charge of, among other things, boxing up equipment (we sold ATM machines) and shipping it out to
various locations.

At the time of this story we also had an older, kinda loud talking, chain smoking, female telemarketer named (Sue) working for us. She was nice enough but still her main friends seemed to be the pets and animals she rescued from roadsides.

One day, as a coworker and I were leaving for lunch, Rick came up to us and appeared to be a little concerned. He said ‘I kinda feel bad about this but I have to tell someone’. We said sure, go ahead, what’s going on?

Funny True Story
Rick began his story by saying he was sitting in his office, back turned to the door when he kinda sensed someone was behind him. He turned and saw Sue quietly standing there with what appeared to be tears in her eyes. He asked what was wrong. She paused for a moment to gain her
composure and said, “My bird just died”. She often spoke about her pet parrot and it seems that his time on this earth had come to an end. Unfortunately, Rick had not heard Sue speak of the parrot and more unfortunate was the fact that he did not quite hear her clearly this time and thought she said “My BROTHER just died”. Polite as usual in his southern accent, Rick said ‘oh that’s terrible, I am sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do for you?’ Sue stood there for a moment and then made what sounded like a startling request: “Do you have a box I can put him in?” “Oh my God!” thought Rick, as he tried to wrap his mind around what was just said. Keep in mind that he thought she wanted this box for her deceased brother. Still being the cordial, helpful person that he is, Rick replied ‘well we do have some ATM boxes in the warehouse. Let’s go look’. Nervously rick brought Sue back into the warehouse and showed her one of the large, about 4ft tall, ATM boxes. Sue exclaimed, “Oh no! I don’t need anything that big!”; “I just need a little box about this size…”. She gestured with her hands that she only needed something about the size of a shoe box. Now Rick’s mind is reeling. He thinks “OMG! What is she going to chop him up into little pieces?!”, “Is that legal?” and “If I give her a box does that make me an accomplice?!” Rick asks Sue, “really?! That small?” Sue says “oh yes. Nothing big and fancy. I am going to leave work around three and bury him in the back yard”.
Nearly passing out, Rick can take it no longer. “And this is for your brother!!?” “What?! Oh no. I said my bird! My bird died and I just need a little box to bury him in this afternoon, in the back yard”. The two stare at each other for a second then abruptly walk away, neither really knowing what to think of what just happened. And so ends our story. But I cannot stop laughing. This is by far the funniest, Monty Python-esque, true story I have ever heard and to think it happened right where I work. 🙂