How It Began
Thomas was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, as a girl named Tracy Lagondino. But he discovered at a very young age that he never felt very girly to begin with. As he grew older, he refused to wear dresses, a decision that took his parents by surprise. When explaining his feelings growing up, he said: “I felt rough and tumble. I didn’t like frilly stuff”. To him, it was all clear from the beginning.
But the world 30 years ago wasn't the way it is today. While nowadays it is still very difficult for transgender people to navigate through society being who they are, the world is much more accepting of them than before. Back when Thomas was a child, the whole thing was something unspeakable, and he couldn't talk about it with anyone, or else he could be in danger.
Keeping A Secret
Even though Thomas always knew he did not feel comfortable as a girl, for many years, he kept it inside. Every time he tried to bring it up, he would be shut down, so he just stopped trying. For example, if he wanted a toy car instead of a doll, or refused to wear a dress, or asked to have his hair cut short, his parents would not allow it. They always knew about Thomas, but they decided to pretend it wasn't happening.
For many years, Thomas had to live a lie. Things would be easier for him if he just acted like a girl and repressed his feelings, or so he thought. The problem with acting this way is that your feelings accumulate inside of you, and eventually, they need to come out. Sadly, as Thomas was reaching puberty, tragedy struck his family, and his beloved mother passed away.
A Rough Patch
Upon his mother's death, Thomas went through a very, very rough patch. Not only was his mom gone forever, but his feelings about his true identity could barely be contained, and now the only family he had left was his father. He loved him very much, but knew that his father would never accept him for who he was. Still, he never stopped trying to gain his acceptance.
He would try to bring it up many times, but his father always shut him down. Not only that, but his dad actively tried to turn him more and more into a girl by forcing him to do typically girly stuff. At first, Thomas thought about rebelling against his father, but he decided to go along with it for the sake of his family and having a good relationship with his father.
The Harsh Reality
But no matter how hard Thomas tried, he was a man trapped inside the body of a woman, and he could not change it. He could wear all the dresses in the world and put on makeup every day, but that wouldn't make him feel any different. Sadly, his father refused to accept it. During puberty, Thomas became depressed because of the situation at home.
His mother had always been more accepting of him —although not completely— than his dad, but now she was gone. Upon noticing that Thomas was depressed, his dad thought it would be a good idea for him to try something new: beauty pageants. He also thought that doing something so girly would help him embrace his femininity, but of course, that did not change his mind.
What Is Gender Dysphoria?
Transgender people usually discover their gender dysphoria at a very young age. For example, when they refuse to wear certain clothes or want to play with toys that usually don’t match their gender. By the age of ten, Thomas already identified as male. This was difficult in his family, however, as Thomas’ father refused to accept him for who he was, and forced him to do typical girly stuff.
Gender Dysphoria is a condition characterized as the distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. Symptoms are visible at a young age, where a child may feel disgust at their own genitalia, social isolation from their peers, anxiety, loneliness and depression as a result of the conflict between their gender identity and their biological gender.
Finding Himself
The description fits Thomas perfectly. Ever since he was little, he was uncomfortable identifying himself as a girl. This is usually a difficult situation for the parents, who don’t really know how to proceed in these circumstances. When he discovered what gender dysphoria was, he knew that that was what he was feeling, and that gave him some peace of mind.
He knew he was a man, and he finally embraced it... except when he was at home. Luckily, he met other people like him, and made friends who were very accepting of who he was, but at home, he had to pretend to be Tracy. Not only that, but his life changed once more when his father got him into beauty pageants.
Modeling
After his mother passed away, Thomas was taken care of by his father alone. He didn’t like the fact that Thomas didn’t want to be a girl, so he encouraged him to pursue a modeling career and signed him up to beauty pageants in the hopes that it would bring his feminine side out. Although Thomas wasn’t very happy about it, he was actually very successful and got pretty far with his career.
It all started with a few headshots, and then the phone was ringing constantly. He got many offers to be a commercial model because he was so photogenic and had a great smile, and although at first it was hard, he slowly started to like it. Of course he would've preferred to pose as himself, but getting attention from the cameras did lift his self esteem.
Pageants
Then, Thomas went from modeling here and there, to actually participating in big pageants. He was basically a pro now, and had to compete in front of hundreds of people in televised events. He went from pageant to pageant until he landed a spot in the biggest one in Hawaii at the time.
He entered the Miss Teen Hawaii USA pageant and came out as a finalist. His beauty and charisma wowed the judges and the audience, but deep inside, Thomas was uncomfortable the whole time: > “I remember feeling uncomfortable on stage. Back then I did not see an attractive young girl. Putting on makeup, I felt like I was putting on a costume” he said in an interview.
Can't Hide It Anymore
After his experience at the Miss Teen Hawaii USA pageant, Thomas knew he had to stop pretending for the sake of his sanity. Being exposed like that in front of so many people and cameras just made him feel terrible. He loved his father, but he couldn't keep lying not only to him, but to himself as well. So, he decided to quit both modeling and pageantry.
Still, it wasn't the right time to officially transition because he was still living at home with his father. Such a big change couldn't have been possible while living at home, so he had to wait until it was time to go to college. Meanwhile, he needed to find a new passion and something to keep him busy, and luckily, he did.
His True Passion
The glitz and glamour of beauty pageants and modeling weren’t what Thomas wanted. Luckily, he found an escape in martial arts and weightlifting. He often went to the gym and took up karate. After a few years, he got his black belt in Taekwondo. This allowed him to feel more confident and comfortable in his own skin. He slowly began to wear male clothing, but still lived as a woman.
During this time, Thomas began entering the dating world. Inside, he was a straight man, so naturally, he wanted to date women. His father seemed to be more comfortable with the idea of Thomas being a gay woman rather than transgender, so he wasn't so hard on him on this subject. Then, Thomas jumped straight into dating women.
Dating
While still being Tracy, he began his first serious relationship with a woman. Her name was Nancy, and she knew that there was something that Thomas was hiding. After some time, Thomas felt comfortable enough to confess to Nancy that he was transgender, and she was nothing but supportive. Of course it was a little surprising, but deep inside, she always knew.
After being in a relationship with Nancy, Thomas felt comfortable enough to talk about his feelings, which made him feel much better about what he was going through. With the emotional support of his girlfriend, Thomas decided it was time to take the biggest step of his life so far: to start transitioning. It wouldn't be easy, but he was not alone in it anymore.
The Transition
When he was 24, he started his transition through testosterone hormone therapy. His then-girlfriend, Nancy, stood by his side and was a key player in Thomas’ transition. Her support and encouragement helped him go through the transition from a female beauty queen, to a male martial artist.
Although medicine has come a long way, transitioning from one gender to another is no easy task. Testosterone therapy comes in the form of patches, pills, and injections, and has to be administered over the course of several years. This was going to be a long, hard process, but Thomas was more than ready, and Nancy was by his side. He would also have to think about surgery, but he decided to put that off for a while.
Changes
Thomas began hormone therapy, which triggers many changes in the body, such as having much more hair and the deepening of the voice. Of course, this is the desired effect that patients look forward to, but it is still hard to get used to. It is much like going through a second puberty, and we all know how hard it is to do that just once!
Another effect of testosterone treatments is that it causes the redistribution of body fat, as men and women carry weight differently. It also may cause mood changes, a boost of libido, oilier skin, and increase bone density. But after all these changes, the treatment allows those who were biologically born as women be reborn into the men they have always wanted to be, and this was the case of Thomas. However, there are some risks that come with this treatment…
The Risk
The long-term use of hormone therapy may potentially cause liver damage and other undesirable effects. Basically, everything in your body changes, and some of those changes are irreversible. For example, the deepening of the voice and the growth of facial hair cannot be changed, even if you stop taking the hormones, so it is a very difficult process to go through.
People may even experience changes in their blood, acne, and severe headaches. But the side effects are a small price to pay for the chance to become who you always wanted to be, right? So, Thomas went through with it. Although hormones change you a lot, there are many aspects of the body that cannot be changed through hormone therapy, and so surgery has to be involved to change them.
Only The Beginning
Hormone therapy is only one part of the transition process. Many people are satisfied with this treatment, but others also undergo some type of surgery to complete their transition. There are many procedures that can be made in order to make one’s body more similar to that of the desired gender, and Thomas got one of them done.
There are minor surgeries that can be done to make the face look more masculine or feminine, but there are also bigger and riskier surgeries that people may get done. For example, gender reassignment surgery, where the genitalia is transformed into that of the opposite gender. Those who transition into a male, like Thomas, may also get their breast tissue removed, and the remaining tissue sculpted into a more masculine form, which is what Thomas got done.
Changing Everything?
As he was going through all these changes, a thought came to Thomas' head. He had always wanted to be a father, but if he got surgery to remove his female reproductive organs, that dream would never come true. He could fully transition into a biological man, but that would mean that he would have to have children in a non-biological way, for example, through adoption.
This was a huge decision that he really needed to think over. This procedure is irreversible, so once you make a decision, you have to live with it forever. His surgery to remove breast tissue had been a success, and he was tempted to go through more surgeries, but he thought there were more important things to take care of: his legal identity.
Officially Thomas
Following this procedure, Thomas decided not to undergo a gender reassignment surgery, as many transgender people do. In the eyes of the law, people do not need to get a surgery done in order to change their gender, so he legally became a man and changed his name after the surgery. On that day, Tracy left this world, and he was reborn as Thomas, while still retaining his female reproductive organs
Thanks to the United States law, he became a man in the eyes of the government and switched his identity on his passport, driver’s license, birth certificate, social security index, and all other legal documents. This was a huge step for him, and it allowed him to truly be happy for the first time in his life. He shared his happiness with his girlfriend Nancy, and the two got engaged.
Tying The Knot
The happy couple had been together for many years when they finally got married, just a year after Thomas changed his legal identity. Thanks to that change, the couple was able to get married in the eyes of the law, because at that time, same sex marriage was illegal in the United States. They had a beautiful ceremony in Hawaii, and soon, they were thinking about babies.
Nancy already had two children of her own from a previous relationship, but the couple still wanted to have more. The problem was that, due to a hysterectomy Nancy underwent to deal with her endometriosis, she was unable to bear children. So, the couple was faced with a tough decision.
Another Big Decision
A year before they got married, Thomas had made the decision to keep his reproductive organs intact and not get any more surgeries, just in case he wanted to have children someday. And, now that the happy couple was married and ready to have a baby, the opportunity was here. But becoming a pregnant man was not going to be easy at all for him.
First of all, Thomas was still on hormone therapy, which he would have to quit if he wanted to get pregnant. Not only that, but they would need a sperm donor, and work out all legal details in order to have Nancy be recognized as the mother and Thomas as the father. Not to mention the fact that they didn't know how people would react to the whole thing.
Trying For A Baby
Since Thomas still had female reproductive organs, he decided he would be the one to carry the child. To do so, however, he had to stop taking his hormonal medication, as testosterone prevents people from having their period and, consequently, having babies. It took Thomas four months to start ovulating again, and he was ready to take the second biggest step of his life.
It was hard for him to let the hormones go, because his body was slowly becomeing more female as the days went by. But his love for Nancy and his desire to become a parent were stronger than the problems his body had to go through, and he knew he was making the right decision. Now, it was time for the couple to find a sperm donor and get Thomas pregnant.
Searching For A Donor
The couple needed a sperm donor to inseminate Thomas. Unfortunately, because of Thomas’ story, a total of nine physicians refused to help them. Prejudice came in the way of the couple’s happiness, but it wasn’t enough to stop them. They were determined to find a donor, with or without the help of a doctor, and luckily, they did. They actually found the guy online!
Still, the couple couldn't do it without a doctor, and so the search continued. They traveled the country in search for a professional who would not judge them for who they were, but it was harder than they had anticipated. But, after a long search, they found someone in Hawaii who was more than happy to help them make their dreams come true.
The Pregnancy
The insemination took place at home, and surprisingly, it worked. Not long after the home insemination, Thomas was indeed pregnant. And, as his baby bump started to grow, the couple’s story became worldwide news. It all began with an article in LGBT magazine The Advocate, where the couple opened up about their journey to become parents. It was written by Thomas himself and explained what it was like to go through his experience.
The story spread as quickly as wildfire, and soon, the whole world was hearing about the first pregnant man. Every news outlet wanted to get an interview with Thomas, and the couple was overwhelmed. Many people were happy for the couple, but just as many people were outraged and completely prejudiced about what Thomas and Nancy were doing.
A Media Whirlwind
After hearing his story in detail, the whole thing doesn’t sound crazy at all. But back then, Thomas’ story went viral and had people all over the world sharing their thoughts on the matter. He sparked a debate in the media that never took place before, and of course, faced both positive and negative criticism. The picture of his pregnant belly, in particular, caused a media whirlwind.
Although he had to endure a lot of criticism and even death threats, a large number of people was supportive and happy that a debate about gender conventions were taking place. Labeled as The Pregnant Man, Thomas was interviewed many times and even made an appearance on Oprah. Despite the criticism, he and Nancy never regretted going public with their story.
Embracing His Identity
After pretending to be someone he was not for such a big part of his life, Thomas did not want to hide anymore. Even though there were many people who hated the idea of a pregnant man, he was anything but ashamed. He was the happiest he had ever been, and he wanted to tell his story to the world because that would help other people like him accept themselves.
He and Nancy took the opportunity of their newfound fame to advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and be a voice for transgender people and non-traditional families out there. This got them incredible support from the community, and it made them even more sure about doing the right thing. After 9 crazy months, it was time to finally give birth.
The Final Months
> “Hiding a pregnant man is like hiding an 800-pound gorilla.Nancy and I wanted to tell our story from our own mouths before it got out,” Thomas told ABC’s Barbara Walters. Indeed, even if he hadn’t come out with his story, people would have found out anyway!
As Thomas' baby bump got bigger and the news about his pregnancy spread more and more, the couple tried to focus a little more on their baby rather than on the media, even though it was very hard. Their child was about to come into the world, and Thomas was about to become the first man to ever give birth. And so, the magical moment finally came.
The Birth
Their healthy baby girl was born in June 2008, and was named Susan. Although the birth of their long-awaited daughter filled them with joy, it came with some legal difficulties. The state of Oregon didn’t want to recognize Thomas as the father and Nancy as the mother, because it had been Thomas who carried and gave birth to the child. So, on top of having to take care of a newborn, the couple had to fight the state.
The couple not only had to deal with a newborn and all her needs, but they also had to take time off their busy lives to fight for their rights as parents. It was a long, hard process, but luckily they had a lot of support from the people of their community. After some time, the state of Oregon gave them an answer, and it was totally unexpected.
Success
The law of Oregon states that the person who gives birth to the child is automatically listed as their mother. However, after a tough legal fight, Nancy and Thomas had their names switched on Susan’s birth certificate. Unfortunately, Thomas couldn’t be named the father: > “The woman down at Vital Statistics in Portland decided to change it to say Parent/Parent, which is for same-sex couples in a domestic partnership,” he said in an interview.
This wasn’t the only difficulty the couple faced. Since Nancy is not related to Susan biologically, she had to apply for adoption of the child in order to secure her parental rights in the event of her and Thomas separating. Luckily, the whole situation turned out just fine, and the family finally began to live a normal life just like any other family. But it wasn’t long before the couple decided to go through the whole process once again.
Trying Again
Not long after Susan came into the world, the couple decided they wanted to enlarge their family once again. Thomas decided not to take testosterone anymore, at least until they were done bringing babies into the world. With three kids in the house, Thomas and Nancy were very busy, but they still wanted to have more babies. The problem was that if he stopped the hormone treatment for too long, his body would change too much, so if they wanted to have more kids, they would need to do it fast. Then, Thomas was under pressure to make another huge decision in his life.
If he stopped his hormone treatment and continued it too many times, it could also be bad for his body. Then, the couple decided the best thing would be to get pregnant again as soon as possible. They knew they wanted a big family, and their kids wouldn't have a big age gap between them. So, they got to work, and went through the same process all over again. This time, however, the couple knew what to do, what to expect, and how to deal with all the challenges that would come.
The Second Baby
Austin Alexander, a healthy baby boy, was born in the summer of 2009. The couple was overjoyed, and decided to go through the whole thing yet again! They didn’t waste any time after Austin was born, and got to work soon after. The couple had a total of four children and wanted to have the fifth one by 2010. The second pregnancy still made news, but people were already familiar with Thomas' story.
The media didn't go as hard on them as they did before, and they welcomed Austin without any trouble. At this point, Thomas had been without his hormone treatment for almost two years, and the changes started to show. They decided to just wait a few months, and then get to work on the third baby. In the meantime, Thomas earned worldwide recognition as the world’s first pregnant man and entered a huge record book…
The Guinnes World Record
Although he had his first baby in 2008, the Guinness World Records officially recognized Thomas as the World’s First Married Man to Give Birth in 2010. That same year, Thomas got pregnant for a third time. On the one hand, things went much smoother because the couple already knew what to expect, but having five children was taking a toll on Thomas and Nancy's relationship.
When the happy couple welcomed their third baby, Jensen James, the big family decided to move from Oregon to Arizona, which was even harder on the relationship, as moving from one state to another with a lot of children is nothing but stressful. Slowly but steady, their relationship deteriorated, to the point where they couldn't keep going anymore.
Trouble In Paradise
Thomas and Nancy's relationship issues culminated in divorce in 2012, and due to the peculiarity of their relationship and family dynamic, their divorce was very, very messy. The unique situation of the couple actually set a legal precedent, as no court had to deal with such a divorce before.
The biggest problem they had to face was the custody of their children. At first, they both thought they wanted to share custody, but as things got more and more tense, they both turned on each other and began a custody battle that made headlines. The court in Arizona had no idea how to proceed, and things just got more and more complicated.
The Divorce
It is very common for courts to give the custody of the children to the mother when a couple gets divorced, but in the case of Nancy and Thomas, the courts weren’t sure about how to proceed. The fact that it had been Thomas who gave birth to the children made things complicated through the custody battle. Under the law of the state of Arizona, only women could give birth.
However, if Thomas was found to be a woman in the eyes of the law, the marriage between Thomas and Nancy wouldn’t be recognized, as Arizona didn’t allow same-sex marriages at the time. And, if the state didn’t recognize the marriage, then naturally they would not be able to request a divorce. The couple had to fight for their rights in court once again, and it wasn’t easy.
The Custody Battle
The couple and their legal teams continued to fight their cases before the court, and in 2013, a trial took place to determine the custody terms of the three children. The state of Arizona did not recognize that Thomas was a man and therefore, stated that their marriage was invalid, and so there was no divorce to be granted.
It took two whole years for the couple to get an answer, all while they were struggling to raise their children and live their lives as single people. Luckily for everyone involved, the court gave joint custody and equal parenting time to Thomas and Nancy, and their property was split equally. The marriage was indeed recognized, and they were granted a divorce.
Life After The Divorce
The full divorce was granted after the couple took the matter before a Court of Appeals in 2014, which declared the couple’s marriage had been valid. This allowed the couple to finally move on with their lives, and focus on raising their beautiful children. Thomas had already met someone new before the divorce took place: Amber Nichols, who was actually the preschool director at his children’s school.
Although Thomas had loved Nancy very much, he never felt the way he felt about Amber with anyone else. He felt that he was getting a second chance at life, and he didn't want to let her go. When his divorce was finally over, he wanted to make Amber his new wife as quickly as possible and even have children with her. However, that wouldn't be so easy.
A New Beginning
The couple got together in 2013 and stood by each other’s side through Thomas’ divorce. When the divorce was finalized, they started planning their own wedding. It was their dream to have a big, spectacular wedding, and having all the kids involved in the process. Luckily, Amber got along with Thomas’ children very well and saw them every day at school.
The media continued to follow Thomas’ journey as a father, and in 2016, he told the Daily Mail: > “Almost as soon as Amber and I got together, Susan started asking when we were getting married. She was definitely the wedding planner. She had very definite ideas of what she wanted. And it was then that I started dreaming of a big white wedding.”
The Big Day
Two years after his divorce was finalized, Thomas finally tied the knot with his new love, Amber. The couple got married in February 2016 and had a lavish ceremony at Boojum Tree Hidden Gardens, a glamorous venue in Phoenix, Arizona. When asked about it, Thomas said: > “It is so beautiful, full of palm trees and waterfalls. We married in front of a lily pad pond with a fountain.”
Although he had had a happy marriage with Nancy, Thomas never felt the way he felt for Amber. His second wedding was the happiest day of his life, and he felt that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. > “When Amber walked down the aisle, she took my breath away. I just started crying and I couldn’t stop. It was perfect —even better than I ever imagined.”
A New Chapter In Their Lives
Following their wedding, the couple felt they were ready to have a baby of their own. But this time, it wasn’t so easy. They tried to get pregnant with the help of the same donor, but the attempt sadly ended in a miscarriage. Despite the unfortunate situation, the couple didn’t give up and were determined to make their dream come true. It was vital for them to remain positive.
After three babies, Thomas' stomach muscles were damaged and he needed surgery to fix them. Not only that, but both Amber and he were in their 40s, which made the possibility of either of them getting pregnant even less likely and more dangerous. They really wanted to make their family bigger, but it wouldn't be easy.
Baby No. 4
> “We would love a baby together, but if it doesn’t happen, so be it. Amber’s granddaughter Lily lives with us too and makes our family complete. It can be noisy and chaotic… but we love it,” he told the Daily Mail. Indeed, the couple already had a full house, but they still wanted to add another member.
It took the couple two full years, but they were finally able to get pregnant in 2018. Their baby boy, Jackson, was born in August, and the couple made an appearance on the British daytime TV show This Morning to introduce Jackson to the world. However, something was different this time. It had been Amber who carried the child this time around.
More Changes
But Thomas revealed that he hadn’t ruled out the option of carrying a fourth child in the future. However, the situation would be completely different, because, before the birth of Jackson, Thomas underwent gender reassignment surgery. Although he kept his uterus, his genitalia was turned male, so he wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally.
After having a total of four kids, Thomas wanted to go back to hormone treatment and let his body rest, even if he was biologically able to have children, his body couldn't take all those changes anymore. So, the couple got frozen embryos to keep at a clinic in case they decided to become parents again. However, this costs $1,500 a month, so is it worth it?
A Big Decision
If Thomas decides to carry a child once more, he would have to give birth through a C-section. “I wouldn’t want to tear anything unnecessarily,” he said. The couple has frozen embryos, so the option is always there. The couple is more than busy, however, with a total of four children, plus Amber’s granddaughter in the house, so maybe five is enough for now.
It was hard for him to decide to get the gender reassignment surgery, as it is an obstacle for his ability to get pregnant, but after giving birth three times, he felt ready to fully complete his transition into a man after all these years. And he doesn’t regret any of it. He also started his hormone therapy again, which prevents him from ovulating.
Thomas, Now
The year 2018 marked the ten-year anniversary of his first pregnancy and his consequential rise to worldwide fame. Looking back, Thomas said he has no regrets and is happy because his actions had raised awareness for other transgender people wanting their own families. He brought this discussion into the light, allowing other transgender men to pursue their dream of forming a family of their own.
After three consecutive pregnancies, two marriages, and many surgeries, Thomas is working both as a bodybuilder and a stock broker. Amber is a stay-at-home mom and she is more than busy taking care of all their children, but Thomas also tries to spend as much time with them as possible.
The End
After all the media exposure, Thomas and Amber now live very peaceful lives in Arizona. He is very proud to have brought the topic of transgender parenthood to light and to have helped start the conversation, but now he is more than happy to be away from the spotlight.
When asked about the picture of himself and his pregnant belly that went viral, he said: > “I have zero regrets. That picture… definitely sparked conversation, which is very important. There are people like me and people like me do want families. It’s an image people aren’t used to seeing but they will continue to see it and it’s not something to hide, it’s something to be proud about.”