Reddit Users Share What Relationship Green Flags You Need To Look For

When you like the person that you become when you're with them. Everyone projects a different version of themselves around different people and if you don't like who you become when you're with someone, it's probably not going to be the healthiest relationship. Your SO should bring out the best in you.

It's a pretty convoluted story, but I was dating a guy, had to drive his car to get him from a situation, and wrecked his car due to mechanical failure, and called my mama to come get me so we could go get him. "Rescued" him. Then had to tell him I'd wrecked his car. His first question: "Are you okay?" My mom overheard. "That one's a keeper."

Able to forgive mistakes. Early in our relationship I accidentally backed my car into my Fiance's car while coming out of the driveway. I definitely did damage. I immediately started freaking out and crying and he just calmly got out of his car, came up to mine and asked if I was okay. He got me to calm down and said it was fine it was just an accident. He never made me feel bad about it. He called it our little bump to my friends to minimize my embarrassment.

We laugh about it to this day. (Sidenote his dad who works with cars fixed his car for him at no cost)

EDIT: No he did not have any way of knowing his Dad would/could fix the car. His father is not a mechanic, his father knows a mechanic. His Father didn't bring up fixing the car until several months later.

My ex would tease me a lot and would tease me in front of his family. He would say things like “Oh she changed her outfit 3 times because she thought you guys would judge her.” Or “She didn’t really want to come over but I convinced her.” He would be laughing and joking but these things would be the truth! When I was going to meet my current boyfriend’s family I was really nervous! In the car I said “Please don’t tell them how nervous I am, it’s so embarrassing!” He looked at me in shock and said “I’m on YOUR side! Why would I tell them that?” And it was like a freaking lightbulb! Love this guy :)

No matter how angry you are at one another. You will still go out of your way or they go out of their way to help. I’ll be wicked pissed, but I’ll angrily make my wife her favorite dinner even though I don’t want to eat. No matter how angry we are at one another (usually only last a short period of time) we will never sabotage or try to teach them a lesson. Many times, it ends up being both apologizing to one another. Arguing and getting angry is just part of a relationship and unavoidable. It is how you deal with it that’s sets it apart from a healthy relationship versus a bad one. Edit: thanks for the reward thingies! There is never any harm telling someone you love them!

Genuine support in your life goals, even if that means you two will have to go long distance for a while or will have to have conflicting work schedule or it will make your relationship harder in some way. If they love you and want you to be happy, they will be genuinely interested in what you want to do and will try to support you to do that in whatever way they can. They won’t hold you back in anyway.

This is something me and my SO have been facing something similar to this recently, he’s just graduated and is looking for a job. As much as I want him to stay close by so we don’t have to do long distance for any more time than we have to (I’m going home for the summer). But if he gets a job the other side of the country I won’t stop him and as long as I’m around I’ll help him pack up.

This one time my boyfriend and I were having an argument that we couldn’t find a solution to, and we had easily spent over a half hour thoroughly discussing it trying to find a solution. At the end, we basically came to the conclusion that we just weren’t going to find a solution at that moment and I joked saying “we so rarely have problems we don’t even know how to fix it when we do have one” and he laughed and responded with “we’ll circle back and deal with it the next time it happens.” Hasn’t happened since and we’re going on three years strong. We both couldn’t be more in love :)

Edit: My boyfriend’s mad, he said he “wants his cut of the karma” LOL Thanks for the upvotes guys!

Being able to have healthy conflict without fear that conflict will cause the end of the relationship. It’s green flag (and a relief) to have natural disagreements and communication about those disagreements without constant fear that someone’s going to hit the nuclear option. Edit: also doctoring my coffee and bringing it to me in bed was a smaller green flag. Edit 2: Doctoring meaning putting cream and sugar in, and thank you for the awards and gold reddit friends!

Your partner does things for you without asking and remembers little details. For example I like eating with a fruit fork (the smaller version of the dinner fork) I actually googled that since our family calls them the little forks lol. Anyway, my partner remembers this and will grab it for me when we're dishing up food. Another good one is they make you feel appreciated. Edit... It maybe a cake fork or salad fork.

Active listening. Not just being there while you talk, acutally giving opinions, advice if asked for, and generally caring for the conversion. Bonus: Active listening during an argument. Not trying to win, but trying to resolve the problem. Edit: Grammar

You don't feel like they are "playing games." Communication is direct and you don't feel too nervous about what you should or shouldn't do or say, and you're not worried about what they do or don't do or say. (Some "butterflies" is normal, of course.) EDIT: To clarify, my point here is it's possible to meet someone who, right from the beginning, you're not overly concerned about your interactions. You don't have to think too much about what to text them or when (same with calls). They don't leave you wondering about when they will respond to you and what delaying means. They don't say or do cryptic things that you have to go home and call in a panel of friends to analyze. This is not to say that, in the beginning, you shouldn't take care to be on your better behavior and not to overshare. This is not game-playing, it's being considerate.

If she shows equal interest in hanging out with you. If it feels like you’re dragging them into going on a date, they’re really not into you, no matter what they may say. Besides, let’s be honest. Wouldn’t you rather date someone who is as excited and interested in seeing you and you are in seeing them?

Honestly this is SO important. I’ve had to get rid of certain people because it was clear that they didn’t care to actually LISTEN. My ex and best friend are perfect examples of this; I found myself when in phone calls with them I would constantly be asking questions “how was your day? Oh that happened? Wow! That must of been hard! Did you ever finish that thing you were going to do? Oh that’s good!” Then when it came to me I would start talking about my day and things that happened and it would be like crickets and I would just get back “yeah for sure, okay, yeah anyway back to what I was saying” then my ex would tell me that I didn’t talk ENOUGH! I’m like umm? Excuse me? Maybe because when I actually feel like talking and start telling you something you don’t care and just go on about yourself. My best friend would never ask how I was but I would always ask how she was, what she was upto, ask about her son. Not once I can remember her asking how I was or how I was feeling.

It’s the small things. The doing something just because it will make your partner smile and expecting/wanting nothing in return. A few months ago I was having a bad day and had texted my partner about the basics and he said to head over to his place after work. I showed up so defeated by the day, open the door, and my dog is there. He had spoken with my parents, picked up my dog from their house because he knew that’s what I needed. He was cooking dinner and told me to just go cuddle on the bed with my dog while he took care of everything else. That’s when I knew he and I were in it for the long haul.

These are all great but here's one that matters more for the longer term: Being competent at life. I'm not saying being rich or having a fantastic job or anything. I mean someone who is able to set a goal and work towards achieving it. No matter what that is, it makes a huge difference in life. Someone who can do that is less likely to sabotage your marriage for selfish/immature reasons. Someone who can do that probably won't drag you down with credit card debt. They have impulse control, so they probably won't cheat on you or leave you for some stupid reason. That person is a keeper.

The person makes time for you. Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, people will always find a way to make time for those they care about. Let’s say I’m super busy with my day. I can find ten seconds to respond to your text. I have to eat a meal at some point, so even if I’m super pressed, I can invite you to have a meal with me (at restaurant, at a fast food place, at someone’s home...). I can call you when I’m driving in my car. It baffles me when people say “I was too busy.” Too busy to what? You mean you couldn’t spare ten seconds from your day to try to nourish your relationship with the other person? We all know you were on your phone while pooping, you could’ve texted then!

While we were dating, my (now) wife would always put on a fake diamond ring whenever she would go out with her girl friends. When I noticed it once and asked her about it, she said she would do it because it would discourage most (certainly not all) guys from hitting on her. It showed the type of person she was and was such a simple and easy gesture that no one I ever dated before had ever done. I obviously had to replace that fake one with a real one. :)

You know right away where you stand with them. For the longest time, every single guy I went out with always made me feel a least a little insecure about their intentions. I just chalked it up to a sort of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" type thing - guys just naturally want to play the field and women naturally want to nail them down. However, I know the story of how my parents got together and it didn't mesh with that idea at all. So I always had it in the back of my head not to settled for it. When my parents met, my father was quite the player (he, of course, did not tell me this directly, but everyone else has and he made no effort to hide it in his stories from his youth). They met at an event one night and had just one conversation. He took my (now) mother's number. He called her the next day to set up a date. On the first date, they set up their second date, and it went from there. There was never any question. Eventually, I met the man who would become my husband and it was exactly the same way. I'm not saying it was love at first sight, or I knew right away he was "the one," I'm just saying, it was possible and it did prove to be a good test of intentions and staying power..

When some inconvenience happens, they’re more concerned about you than the impact on them. My ex would always get so frustrated if I had a bad day or something happened that impacted our time together (e.g. a family members car breaking down and needing to pick them up). It would be guilt trips and angst. With my current boyfriend, we had a whole day planned early on (he lived an hour away) and my car broke down on the highway soon after I left. He was immediately worried about me and stressed that it was no big deal if we couldn’t hang out and offered to pick me up if I needed a ride home or to the car repair shop. It was incredibly surprising and a huge relief.

It's okay to sit quietly and know nothing's wrong. It's okay to read a book on one end of the couch and the other person is doing whatever they want on the other end of the couch and that's okay. Saying that you want something or need something is not an attack and you both know it. Basically, being comfortable being you around your partner and being able to communicate in the event that you're not comfortable.

I drink a lot of water and sometimes my bf would stay until late and I would fall asleep, before leaving he always made sure I had a glass full of water on my nightstand in case I woke up thirsty. It's always the small details Edit: I drink a healthy amount of water, thank you for your concern lol

Not really sure if this counts because we’re not in a relationship, but last fall semester, my friend asked if I could help her with something. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and while I was talking to her she said “You got new glasses?” I said yes. “They really suit you.” It honestly made my day. Compliments really go a long way.

Laughter. And also: I've been with my partner for 40 years (this month!) and I still smile when I see him across a room. He still makes me laugh and my heart soars when I think of him.

If it's a chore you both hate, you do it together. My late husband and I both HATED folding laundry, but it had to be done. So we always did it together. Made the chore less of a pain.

The fourth or fifth time I left my (now) partner alone at mine while I went to work, saying help yourself to what's in the kitchen, I got a message at about lunchtime saying something like "if you bring home anything you want to go with it, I can have a killer fruit crumble done by the time you get back". Right, I thought, this has been casual so far but now crumble is being made. If I don't want this to get any more serious I need to say something right now. Of course I ate the crumble and three years later we live together and will probably get married sooner or later.

Willingness to forgive you when you make a mistake/speak in anger/etc rather than hold a grudge or try to punish you. (Doesn’t mean they won’t be still be upset of course.)

Not losing their temper when things don’t go their way. Example: do you want to be with someone who blows up when the car breaks down on a road trip and makes everyone else miserable or the person who calmly calls the repair service and tries to make the best of it?

Not making personal attacks during arguments. Focusing more on how they are feeling and fixing the problem at hand, and then reconciling afterward, rather than lashing out with a list of perceived character flaws. Example: “I feel disrespected when...” rather than “You’re such a disrespectful [expletive of choice]!”

In short: emotional maturity.

The days I began dating my new boyfriend overlapped with the days I was mourning the end of my friendship with someone I considered almost family at the time. I had yet to go to therapy, and was horrible with my emotions, so I was so sad that I could not hold my food down and had to skip class. My boyfriend asked if he could get me anything from the dining hall, and all I asked for was soup. He brought the soup, as well as a big cup of blue powerade, a drink I'd never mentioned but had always just grabbed for myself the few times we had eaten there together. I was touched he'd cared enough about me to notice something so trivial like what soda I chose when at the time we'd only met a month prior. We have been together almost four years, and have cohabited for one and a half.

Understanding what each other are going through without needing to be told something wrong. It's always a lovely experience feeling down, getting asked if you're okay, and being told that whenever you're ready to talk about it, you can, whether its 10 minutes later, or 10 days later. Its normal to have disagreements too. Its not normal to be fighting.

I think with the guy I’m seeing now, whenever I start to overthink things, I don’t really tell it to him. But what I like most about it is that he’d do something to contradict whatever it is I’m thinking or reassure me even without having to tell him what’s bothering me. Another green flag is that he remembers all the things I told him and things that happened between us 3 months ago even when we stopped seeing each other. It makes me feel like he really treasured me back then.

(This is already 10 days old, but I feel the need to add one, with a caveat...) They learn to anticipate your needs instinctively. Very early on when I was dating my husband, I felt he was distant at a time when we were both quite busy. Never mentioned it to him or led on that I was uncomfortable, but I felt he was spacing himself and I wanted to respect that without conflict. Especially given the fact that the relationship was new. Plus, I was just as busy. Later that night, without prompt, he sends me a handful of messages saying he felt he'd been distant and missed me despite all the chaos. Apologized for having been distracted with his work, and asked when I might have some time to see him. It blew me away. I felt like he'd felt me. At the time it felt weird because it was so early on, but that same thing happened over and over again. Convinced me he was something special. (Caveat because people can't just instinctively read minds without communication. I didn't communicate my needs here at all.)

When it’s hard to fall asleep together because you talk and laugh too much. My wife of 11 years, we’ve had what are basically slumber parties almost every night. We don’t share hobbies so there’s always plenty of non-stuff to talk about but just cracking jokes and making each laugh until we get tired from smiling is the best way to fall asleep. Basically when staying up late is better than any fantasy dream.