People Around The World Share Real Experiences From Their Toxic Households

I had my graduation from engineering the same day as my mother's birthday. I, of course, had nothing to do with the date choosing. My mother said I "ruined her birthday" so she scheduled her birthday party to be on my actual birthday. Her birthday is March, mine is August.

My mom didn’t even bother coming to my college graduation because my younger sister had a softball game. It wasn’t an important game or anything, but she’s a narcissist who lived through my sister’s sports achievements, so she valued that more than my achievement that she couldn’t use to boost her own self esteem. I graduated with a 4.0, but never got so much as a pat on the back from either parent for it. It felt bad.

I also got the top score (5) on all my AP tests for two years in a row in high school, so I got a special award from NY state. My parents never even mentioned it to me. I hung my award on the fridge myself. It was so sad.

Years ago I was in the hospital after getting stabbed in the abdomen. Went under and the EMS had to bring me back, woke up in the hospital full of stitches, but still alive.

I had a really great group of friends that came throughout the weeks of my being there. To the point that I got my own room because it was disturbing fellow patients, I shared a room with and the staff was super nice about it. The only family member to visit was my younger sister. My mom, dad, other four siblings.... None of them came, and my mom only phoned and communicated to me through the nurses, never speaking directly to me until I was back at home.

And this was during a time where we actually had a decent (comparative to other times in life) relationship.

My first memory is of my parents fighting when I was 3. I remember my mom looking at my dad, and yelling “This is why we’re getting a divorce”. They separated when I was two, but took some time to figure out custody, as well as the actual finalization of their divorce. My mom was always so angry and would scream, throw things, and tell me consistently she didn’t want me around.

I finally had a breaking point with my mom the day before I turned 17. We got into a huge fight and I finally realized that she was just taking out the aggression of her past on me. I realized she had been blocking out the abuse she put me through, and finally brought it to her attention. I know her mother was an abusive alcoholic, and she kept perpetuating this cycle of abuse. What triggered the whole realization, was when I dated someone for the first time when I was 16, and my bf’s mom treated me like her own.

It was the first time I felt welcome in a home, she made sure I ate because she knew I wasn’t eating properly at home, she always had a bed made for me in case I ever needed a place to stay, and would always check in with my bf to make sure I was okay when I went home. I moved out the month I graduated high school, and I have not gone back to her house.

What made me realize my family was toxic was meeting regular parents and witnessing them actually be good to their kids, help them,love them and teach them valuable lessons about life. Not yelling for every small mistake they did. Also now realizing that not every raised hand is about to hit you sometimes it’s there to pet you. But unfortunately for me it wasn't the case.

My birthday: "I got you a pack of socks, but I realized I can get them cheaper from somewhere else, so I'm going to return them."

My brother two weeks later: "I think I'd like archery, will you get me this 600 dollar bow?"

Parents: "oh hell yes!"

I never got the socks.

Whenever my mom would tell me that I love my friends more than my family every time I get home from hanging out with my friends. Note that I seldom do leave the house to hang out with them (once every other week tops because I'm mostly introverted).

It's even worse if I go out for two consecutive days or more smh. It's suffocating and stupid, really.

When I was suicidal and the doctor tried to contact my father but apparently he was too busy dealing with his own problems. I already had "daddy issues" for a bunch of other stuff so that one was an extra to the pile. When I finally revealed to him that it would be nice to have some love from him instead of verbal abuse he replied with: don't be a sissy. Needless to say we don't speak to each other anymore.

My wife helped me come to the realization. Out of myself and my two brothers, i was the only one to have never been arrested, yet I was the only my parents did not buy a car for. I had to be moved out of the house, two states away and teach myself how to drive illegally to get my drivers license, but my brothers were sure taken care of and driving to school on their own.

I had my wife (girlfriend at the time) over to my parents for christmas dinner. My mom offers me a glass of champagne, about 2 months before my 21st birthday. No big deal, right? My stepdad proceeds to throw a temper tantrum about how im underage and not in his house and all this words. Well a couple months later found out he bought my little brother ( his biological child) a bottle of high end bourbon for his 18th birthday.

When I was in the service they had a whole bunch of deep sea fishing trips and pro sports games they would go to without even so much as asking if i could come. They didn't come to my bootcamp graduation that i offered to pay for. didn't see me off when i was deployed. wasn't there when i came back. great times. Much more toxic things i cant think of right now...

I think I was six years old when my drug addict parents started making me babysit my newborn brother so they could go out and party all night. That was when I really started to notice how bad things were.

By the time I was nine my sister had passed away due to abuse and neglect and when the social workers came to pick me and my brother up, they started crying when they realized we lived in the office of an actual junk yard. I never looked at anyone in my family the same after that day.

I have a few. The number of times my parents would mention suicide. My mum ranted to me all the time about how miserable her life was, how she'd throw herself off a bridge some day or, her favourite, she'd overdose on pills but was nervous she'd just get very ill from that. This was a frequent thing she said to me, throughout childhood. It took me to adulthood to realise how messed up that is. My dad would often storm off in arguments with her too and take kitchen knives with him.

I got quite depressed as a teenager and when I tried to speak with them about it they complained that "were too tired to listen to my matters."

I have more if I think about it but I get very angry when I dwell on it.

I was at my grandmother's house and there was a guy outside working in the yard. I'd say roughly mid to late 30's, kinda disheveled appearance. And he had talked to my parents about payment for work and what else had to be done and all that jazz.

He goes back to working and my mom comments on his appearance and how he may have "not went to school." I called her out on it, especially since my parents go to church and keep Christian paraphernalia around the house. She stumbled for an excuse but couldn't find one to justify her behavior.

My dad in particular tends to talk bad about anyone who either he feels is beneath him or that he feels is "dumb."

When my mom yelled at me for being depressed. She was saying how rude and inconvenient it is for everyone around me that I was depressed. She was screaming so hard that her face was all red. She screamed at me frequently. She would always wait until I was in the car with her because I would be unable to leave. I stopped talking to her after that and she played the victim. She apparently was suffering because she was “abandoned by her daughter”.

No one in my family wanted to hear my side of things, no one reached out to check in on me. I was made out to be the bad selfish daughter. Now, I don’t have a relationship with anyone in my family. I cut both my parents off after I realized they both will not change or get help or see they ever did anything wrong.

It’s been tough to deal with the emotions of it all, especially the emotions I felt when I was younger and in their care. I’ve been working on it with therapy for a few years now. But it’s been a necessary decision for me to cut those ties. So I can focus on myself and my growth and healing the parts of me that have been broken from my past.

When My mother threw a fit that my son is so involved in his dad's life, my mother and father have been separated for a long time because she did the same thing to him. She decided that I was 'neglecting' my son because I didn't want to limit what he does with his dad. He only gets to see his dad two days a week because of his messed up work schedule and I'll give him extra days if he gets them off. I'm sorry if I won't repeat my families mistakes and want my son to have a father.

For reference, I’m a Boomer, so I’ve seen a ton of changes here in the dear old US of A.

When I was in grade school, we were on vacation in Arkansas, driving by a building I must assume was a diner/burger joint of some kind because it was visible from the road. Even more conspicuous was the enormous sign reading “COLOREDS SERVED IN THE REAR” with a big arrow.

I was learning to read and, practicing, read the sign aloud. My father, who was driving, nodded his head and said, “Exactly as it should be.” Even though I was only six, that was my wake-up call.

I have a lot of these and they're all pretty crazy, but I'll go with the first one. When I was six years old, my aunt (who was my guardian), faked my grandmother’s death. She lied to all of us. Local churches, her friends, and strangers for sympathy and money. She wrote to multiple people asking for support. She needed money for a headstone and the funeral, etc. People bought into it.

You can imagine our surprise a year later when we received a letter from our grandma saying she was coming to see us.

In general, my siblings constantly criticize and mock me for everything I do. They will both gang up on me when all three of us are together. Christmas is no longer enjoyable. My dad abused my mum and my siblings as kids. He refuses to believe he ever did it.

I'm seventeen. I live with mum, just me and her. Some days I think about going to live with my dad for a while, or with my sister when she offers...but then I remember either way I'll be unhappy.

when my brother got mad at my dad for bringing him the wrong food (my brother is older and spoiled) and then when i stood up for my dad against him, my dad yelled at me, marched out of our house, and then didn't talk to me for 2 weeks straight (despite living in the same household) and proceeded to only talk to my brother and my mom. theres so many more moments tbh, but this was definitely one of the most recent.

I was 9 and I was really nice to the poor guy selling shirts out of the back of his truck. My dad pulled me away and told me directly "it's great to be nice to people, Chris, but be mean too. You want people to be a little scared of you"

Even at 9 I was like "bruh that's not... Great" and it really was an interaction that shaped our relationship. I went on to teach, have a vibrant friend group (every year a dozen of us meet up for new years and were in the 10th year this year!), and generally I love people. It's in my work and in every fibre of my life.

He... Died alone of an overdose about 10 years ago. The funeral would've been basically empty if not for all the friends who came to console me.

When my mother and I were on a heated phone call with each other and she said how much I "hurt her" and I had the courage to say "well what about how you hurt me?" And her response was "Well yeah I MEANT to hurt you!". Big eye opener that one.

Told my mom I was having flashbacks of my sexual assault and she laughed in my face.

Now my brother who (lies) a lot says he got hit with a whole tomato at school tries to fight anyone who stands behind him... Mom: you know he’s been through a lot and he has anxiety.

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Each time my brother got out of jail/prison (4x) there was a party with at least 20 people including all my siblings, parents, etc. but when I graduated college and grad school (the first of my family to do either), only my grandmother showed up. BUT if anyone needs money, a favor, a go-between, or to borrow something, guess who they run to?

When my mom told me to stop coming in and talking about the things I enjoyed because they didn't care and it was being disruptive. There were other signs before that but that's one that's seared into the back of my mind.

Can’t imagine living in a household that seems uninterested in sharing your joys and wins.

I married into a toxic family.

My husband realized it when his sister attacked me (verbally-out of the blue) to him for an hour...and then blamed him for making her husband hate the entire family... everyone else in the family who was within earshot all claimed to have not noticed or heard anything. It was loud and long. They knew. He was pretty shell-shocked by the whole thing. It was ignored and NEVER resolved or discussed. It's a very large family.

I have been the black sheep ever since even though I wasn't even in the 'fight'. I would actually take responsibility for anything if I knew what made her so mad at the time. I apologized to her and she has never even admitted anything happened. She was having a really tough time in her marriage and is now divorced. We didn't live in town so each visit was nice, pleasant and we all got along fine prior to this.

I was 8 and sitting in my new babysitter's apartment having an asthma attack. I was very allergic to cats and my mom had left me with her despite knowing my allergy and knowing that she had nine cats.

What was so important that she left me there? She wanted to have sleep with my older sister's boyfriend and needed me out of the way. She hadn't even sent my inhaler with me.

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When I was sexually assaulted and my family thought I could be “fixed”. It made me nervous to tell them it was just one time and it wasn’t just one person. The only reason I had to tell them was that I got low grades for two consecutive semesters because one of them was on campus, leading to me being kicked out. When I told my mom, she got upset and left - which I can understand now because it’s a lot to take in, but it hurt that her reaction was being upset and leaving.

After a year and a half of therapy, I ended up joining a program for an ED. The program was exhausting because we had a lot of “check ins” and had to open up about a lot of things. My mom would threaten me saying she’d take me off her insurance which meant I would have to leave the program prematurely. Now, 24, she holds things over my head and expects me to ask permission to go somewhere....talk about controlling....

I will mention one episode only that particularly hit me, as toxicity in my family is basically the norm.

I was around 7-8 years old and my grandfather (my mother's father) had given me as a present a plush of Mufasa and baby Simba from the Lion King. After visiting him, my parents and I went to my grandmother (my father's mother). I had my plush with me. We stayed at her place for 3-4 days. When it was time to leave, I was collecting my stuff but I couldn't find the baby Simba anywhere. My mother asked my grandmother if she had seen the plush anywhere and she said no. Also, she commented "she (referring to me) is spoiled" because, in her opinion, I wasn't good enough at taking care of my things. I left with Mufasa only and without baby Simba.

One year after we visited my grandmother again. I went to the living room and, in one corner, my grandmother had put all the toys of my cousins, so that they could find them easily when they were going to visit her. And... well, together with a giant doll, kitchen utensils and children book, there was my baby Simba plush. My grandmother had taken it away from me to give it to my cousins. Same for a music cassette of mine.

I will just stop here because this is only the tip of the iceberg. I have spent my whole life watching my parents fight, giving the silent treatment to each other or anyone else, even me, I feel threatened by my father in general who once called me "bastard" because I had a face while we were moving in the new house (I was very tired and probably had a cold), I could make an infinite list here for you guys but I would rather not uncover my Pandora's vase unless for therapeutic reason (I am on CBT atm). Thank you for reading.

My DEAR (note the sarcasm) cousin Stephannie made a peanut cake (the flour had peanuts, it had peanut butter, peanut chocolate and peanut chunks) on her twin's 17th birthday and obviously hers, I'm very allergic peanuts and she knew it. I refused to eat it for obvious reasons, Stephannie shed some crocodile tears as she said that she had lovingly made the cake so we can all eat it.

Between my Aunt Karen, her husband and my paternal grandparents they forced me to eat a HUGE piece of that cake while Sophie (Stephannie's twin and birthday girl that day) called out for emergencies outside the house.

I almost died, but everyone who forced me to eat that piece of cake spent only 3 years in jail because "they did not know about my allergy and I was a rebellious teenager who was very picky about food." Some of my father's brothers and sisters (who were at the birthday and did nothing) say it was too immature of me to sue them after they nearly killed me. I was 14 years old, Stephannie and Sophie that day they turned 17.

When my dad made my mother lock herself in the bathroom and cry because he said she looked like a “butch sailor” and called her every name in the book. I wrote a letter that said “you’re beautiful inside and out mommy” and slipped it under the door. Her voice broke when she said thank you, and opened the door to give me a hug. I was 9.

My sister (call her H) called me one day saying she was going to kill herself. I tried to talk her out of it (I'm about 2 hours away from where she lives), but maybe wasn't too successful as I dont really know what kind of person she is and she kept asking me what good qualities she had that were valuable.. I called my mom to go and check on her and she immediately let out the most frustrated sigh and said "what the heck. AGAIN?!" (This is the first I had ever heard of it, but always suspected she wasn't the happiest person deep down. Are any of us really?)

Anyway I tried to call a family meeting with my mother and 2 other sisters (E and F). We got together and the whole family basically just said to let her deal with it herself and E pointed out that she always thought H was autistic. The rest of the family all proceeded to agree with her (I believe this is true also). The conversation shifted to examples of how she is autistic etc etc. I got angry and asked them what they suggested we do about this, but again, let her deal with it herself.

Very toxic family. None of us speak to each other regularly and when we do it's all superficial awkwardness. I try to keep in touch with H because I know she has almost no support, but I can't bear the load myself.