Making Sense Out Of Cheating: People Share Stories Of Unfaithfulness With Their Partners

Not my story, but I know a girl who's sort of a serial "cheater" I guess you could say, who gets into relationships with multiple dudes at once whose sole motivation is basically for them to buy her stuff while she's still young and can do it. Very vocal about it, but not to the guys involved. Somehow, they never find out.

I cheated on my boyfriend in high school because he threatened to hurt himself every time I tried to break up and being young, didn't realize it was manipulative and he probably wouldn't.

I felt trapped as the person keeping him alive with a relationship I did not want, and also like he did not deserve my monogamy because he was trapping me in it. So I got mine and honestly the dude I cheated on him with, once he heard about the whole thing, was the one who made me see that I wasn't responsible for his life and I was able to break up. Never cheated since and I don't have regrets.

Was in a 5yr relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I started to talk to an old coworker from my teens that I always had a thing for, but she lived a couple of states away so I knew nothing would come of it. Well, it turns out that she still had family in my area and regularly visited.

We made plans to get some dinner and catch up, for old times sake. It ended in both of us getting drunk, renting a hotel room and having some fun. This happened a few times over the next several months until I get a text from her... It's a picture of a sonogram of our child.

I was going to come clean to my girlfriend because I never had a father growing up and I didn't want to put my child through that. However, she ended up losing it a month or so into the pregnancy and we stopped talking.

I was married 10 years. Wife refuses therapy and counseling. I’ve been in therapy for 11 years. Wife goes out of her way on the regular to remind me if we ever got divorced I would never see my daughter again. I have no family. She comes from money and makes twice as much as I do.. We also never have sex. What’s more depressing? Feeling like you have no value to the opposite sex. I would absolutely cheat if given the chance. I’ve never cheated but I think about it constantly. I feel like I’m going to look back on this time in my life and hate myself for giving up.

So... At the age of 28 and only having had 3 serious relationships - two of them I was cheated on, but I know why.

The first to cheat on me straight up told me: "You're one of those kinds of guys every girl wants, but once we're with you it's kind of boring." In other words... I was 'too soft.'

The second was my most recent ex who left me on New Year's. Had been cheating on me most of our relationship with her co-worker. Never gave me a clear reason, but I suspect it's because he was well-built and good looking and I'm just... Me.

I'm quiet, non confrontational, financially stable and I'm a homebody type. I don't drink, I don't like bars or clubs, and I kinda just stay home and read books and keep up with my favorite scientific journals. I'm boring and I know it.

I wasn't ready to settle down, I should have just dated around for longer, but I also really liked one of the people I was dating and he wanted monogamy. I was 19 and wanted both worlds. it was stupid but that's how it went down.

I once began a relationship with a guy from work who was separated from his wife. Then she found out and contacted me. Turns out he had done this before, many many times and they were not separated or considering divorce as they are Muslim. They weren't close emotionally or sleeping in the same bed but they were very much officially together. I felt freaking awful, I'd fallen so hard for this guy. His wife was absolutely amazing, a truly wonderful person. I'm a piece of crap for what I did to her. They're still together as far as I know.

I know a guy who cheated on his girl because he was in a foreign country for work. No, not long-distance, just a week trip.. he wanted to "try" a hook up with a foreign girl.

Just .. just .. hold that thought, I need to throw up

I was 40, had been married 10+ years and had a couple of kids. Our marriage had turned into something that made me really unhappy. We barely had sex and our connection seemed completely gone. We fought a lot and it was always me who needed to apologize and compromise.

I met a woman 15 years younger at the office. We started flirting and it turned into an intense emotional affair that lasted about a month. I fell deeply in love with her and decided I should really divorce my wife since I was so unhappy. I told my wife about the other woman and that I wanted to divorce.

My wife begged me to try and work it out, go into couple's counseling, and started having sex with me every day. I stayed and agreed to take 3 months to see if we could work it out. It was incredibly hard but we eventually did feel like we overcame it and we're still together.

I have a friend who got married at 18 to her first boyfriend. They had kids right away. She had a High school education. She never had a job. After 20 years of an abusive and controlling husband, she cheated because she was desperate to null the pain she was in. She felt trapped emotionally, legally, and economically. That was her reasoning and it made sense to me.

I was drunk. It wasn't a premeditated thing. It was definitely the worst thing I've ever done, but it was a one-time thing. It took some time, we broke up for a year, but things are great now. This was 8 years ago, we're engaged now.

Knew a dude who cheated. His wife was terminally ill and in a lot of pain. He dealt with this for a couple of years, constant torment watching his wife suffer and staying by her side, holding her hand. He was in absolute mental anguish and torment with her. He did love her. Her best friend came by often. She tried to be a source of solace for both of them. One night he couldn’t take it anymore. He was borderline suicidal, not wanting to abandon his wife when she needed him but pushed close to the edge of his sanity.

He opened a bottle of scotch and began to drink thinking if he could just numb himself. It had been almost two years since he was able to make love to his wife. His wife’s best friend came over as she often did and one thing led to another. He wasn’t proud, and it added a certain amount of extra torment to him. But it also gave him a release, a moment of pleasure he had missed for some time. They continued seeing each other until his wife passed a few months later.

He confided in me this. After her passing, he was tormented even more by the act yet so grateful it helped him through. His wife’s best friend and he quit meeting after his wife’s death. They stayed friends, however. I haven’t seen the guy in over a decade, but when we last spoke he still was troubled by his actions. This has stayed with me since he told me. I never judged him harshly or offered advice, I just listened. It was a very sad situation.

When you marry a woman who never touched, hugged, kissed you or told you she loved you once. Recoiled whenever I did those things. Well, after 24 years of that and 2 kids you’re relatively vulnerable. I stayed and was faithful for 24 years and never had an affair until the kids were grown. But I was literally starving for attention. I told my wife I planned to leave and had a relationship before the divorce was final. Serious question to some women. Why marry someone you can’t or won’t touch? Men need love too.

Honestly, it stemmed from being insecure. I don't want to believe it, but they say once a cheater always a cheater, and I've cheated multiple times. It's wrong, but I really loved everyone I cheated on and it had nothing I do with that person. It's entirely been because of my own issues. Doesn't make it ok, but it's reality. I'm just being honest. I know it's wrong to cheat and there's no excuse I truly am sorry to the people I've hurt.

We were drifting away from each other. We hadn't seen each other in a month. Just started college, and then I met the woman I would later marry.

We talked right after it happened, then she revealed she had done the same thing a week prior, we were pretty much broken up at this point anyway. Mutual assured destruction I guess.

I was a sophomore in high school and I was dating damn near the valedictorian, she had a star GPA, was in choir and theatre, cute as hell, and I could talk with her for HOURS. Being in the band program, a lot of the people I dated also happened to be in the band program one way or another, so when I started dating, we'll call her B, I got mixed responses. A couple of kids said I was only dating her to get out of the band program and I was using her and blah whatever high school bullcrap you can think. The others were really supportive as previous girlfriends were a bit nutty.

Anyways there was an individual who I thought was a female best friend, someone I could come to with all my problems and just talk to when crap gets heavy. She was 2 years older than me (a senior in the beginning) and she too was cute as hell. She and I were teachers assistants together where we basically sat in a back office and made copies every once in a blue moon. We were jokingly flirty, and I was trying to hook her up with a an acquaintance so I figured nothing dumb would happen. She kinda started making moves toward me, super subtle stuff. Talking more than usual, sitting near me more often, just being around a lot. B wasn't suspicious, in fact, she was really supportive and happy that I had other friends and such, and in the end, that's what ended up breaking my heart the most.

It was about September, and other kids that have gone through band know that's the beginning of contest season, and we sat next to each other on every ride. In the back. Where you know damn well what happens back there. That's the beginning of it, and this continued for a few months. We took a trip to New York together, and that's where we had sex for the first time, and it just got more and more. After a while, I was living 2 lives, one with B, and one with the affair.

B ended up finding out. Because the affair SENT HER SCREENSHOTS OF CONVERSATIONS WE HAD. It didn't occur to me until recently that there's only one way that could have happened, but needless to say, B left in a hurry. I continued to "date" the affair girl for a while though because I thought I was happy.

Complications happened, and I ended up not being able to talk to her for a month, which wasn't as bad as I thought it was at the time, but during that month, I didn't see anyone else. I cheated to get here, but cheating to get out feels low (like cheating wasn't low enough??). Once I could talk again, it felt different, but I ignored it as I assume it was just nerves that it would happen again.

I suspected something was happening around December of last year. She was over at a "friend’s" house a lot, and around January, she left. She swore up and down it wasn't for him, but lo and behold, they were dating less than 48 hours later. I found out later she had been with him behind my back for about 3 months before she left.

Basically I was insecure and dealt with it in the worst way. It was my first real relationship. We were together throughout college. By the time we were graduating, several factors came into play:

I made a slight change in the professional path I wanted to pursue, resulting in her getting into grad school before I did. We were together for so long, I guess neither one of us knew we needed to put in the work to maintain our relationship: we hadn’t had sex in at least a year and really just started to feel like roommates. I got comfortable and let myself go and gained a lot of weight — maybe this is why I wasn’t getting any.

So after the gf moves for grad school, we’re attempting long-distance. I’m fat. Attention needy. Unhappy with the stagnation of my life. I’m insecure. I decide I’m unhappy with all the weight I’ve gained and try to do something about it. I finally get skinnier. The gf is busy with her new life and new grad program, so I’m still not getting the attention I need, I also was young and stupid and did not know how to communicate my needs clearly. I notice other people have started paying attention to me, and I get addicted to the validation I’m getting from other people. Eventually I end up cheating on her, she finds out because I wasn’t even smart about it, and it broke her heart.

She was a good girl and hurting her has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. It was a huge lesson for me. I’ve since learned how to communicate my needs more clearly, how to see value in myself instead of needing validation from other people, and to just be honest in a relationship and that includes ending it if the commitment isn’t there anymore. I’m the most loyal partner now, I just regret that she was collateral damage in this life lesson of mine.

According to my ex, he cheated on me because I had other boyfriends before him and he felt insecure and wanted to see if he had the ability to get other girls even though I “was his soulmate” lmao.

Although married with 3 children, we have little else in common. Our marriage had become stale. I hooked up with an old flame from high school. We had lots of fun - went places, tried new things (sky diving among others), and chatted like lovers. She had a zest for life that my wife did not. Sex was only part of the overall experience with my old girlfriend. Any excitement from cheating was never a factor. In the end, I was not going to leave my family due to guilt, so we ended our affair. I regret ending it every day and still think about her every day

I know this will not make sense but just know this is what I thought at the time and I know it wasn't right. I offer no excuses only my "reasoning" however dumb it was.

I was young, 18 actually, fresh out of foster care with a plethora of issues ranging from abandonment to depression. I didn't recognize his love language. I didn't understand that he did love me. I didn't feel it. I couldn't. But I loved him so much. So much that even at 18 I knew I would love him forever and it scared me. I thought I was thinking rationally when I told myself "this is your first relationship....what are the odds it lasts forever?"

I tried telling myself it was just infatuation and whatever because I was only 18. And my feelings for him only grew stronger. I only ever felt reassured of my love for him. When he was at work and would come home to me I would be so overcome with joy. God I missed him so much. I would wake up at 9 a.m and would say okay only 6 more hours til he is off work and 15 more minutes til he's home, what do I do. It's kinda cringey now. I'd clean the place and cook and then shower and just wait.

And when he would come home he wouldn't be as excited to see me as I was to see him. He wouldn't want to tell me about his day, he'd wanna jump on the game with his friends and to me.....I was being rejected. Sure we had our time together watching anime and movies and what not on his off days, but I loved him so much and showed it in every way possible with gifts, words of affirmation. Acts of service....physical touch. Why wasn't he doing the same?

So I convinced myself in my head that I would lose him if I smothered him. I need to chill. I'm too emotional, I'm all over him...if I chill out then maybe I won't push him away. I felt I was doing that. Like he was getting bored with me. I had no hobbies, not really close with my bio family, never made a connection with foster parents...I had ONE friend, and I use the term loosely because she was actually very toxic and problematic but she was a crutch for me in those times, so what do I do?? I'll use all these extra lovey dovey feelings on someone else and that way I get them out of my system so I won't need to use them all on him...this'll work right?

I worked with a guy who I knew had feelings for me and I used him to talk to when I missed my bf. I would text him so I didn't message my bf. I would ask him about his day so I didn't ask my bf. Just a bunch of dumb stuff that was wrong.

I was never remotely interested, there was never anything physical or emotional on my end (I know that doesn't matter but I'm just saying) I never outwardly flirted per se. One day my bf asked to use my phone and before I gave it to him I deleted this guy's thread. His number was never saved in my phone. Right before I deleted the messages the coworker asked me what I was doing. I had just got home from work and I said "I'm about to shower wbu?" Then I deleted the texts. While bf had my phone the guy wrote back and said *images of you In the shower just popped in my head 😉" Bf saw the message and two days later ended things with me.

I have been kicking myself and hating myself everyday for the past 7 years, 1 month and 16 days since....now that I'm older i understand exactly why I was wrong. How incredibly immature and stupid it was. I also realize that men show their love differently and it hit me like a ton of bricks later on in life. I didn't realize how stressed he may have been paying the bills for 2 while barely making over minimum wage (U.S.A) And video games was his outlet. I didn't realize that he didn't take me out often because he probably couldn't afford it but he showed me in other ways. And I barely made anything so I couldn't afford it. I didn't realize that one of his favorite things was laying in bed on the laptop with me next to him watching movies all night....that he'd call out not because he didn't want to go to work but because he wanted to stay with me...or because I had asked....I just didn't understand he showed me his love for me in other ways instead of verbally.

We had our issues. We were not perfect. We were 2 young people trying to find our way but he always seemed so well put together even at 22/23 that I thought he never went through anything. He didn't struggle emotionally or mentally......i was so wrong.

I've vowed, swore and everything else that I would ALWAYS acknowledge someone's effort. That I'd never ever make someone feel like they weren't good enough. Even tho he's never said that's what I did....that's what cheating does. It inflicts so much mental and emotional pain on someone....an ache they can probably never get past fully and I carry that burden having done that to someone when I thought I was doing good. Again stupid I know...but this was my mindset back then.

I'm lucky enough to still have this person in my life as a very good friend and I thank the universe every day. He is still very much the love of my life. I never loved anyone before him or after him. I know they say once a cheater always a cheater, but I'd rather die alone a miserable and slow painful death before I EVER put someone through that again.

Please for the love of GOD or whatever you believe in don't do it.

I was married to a self-centered man/child who saw me as his maid in every way. I put up with it for years and tried to improve the marriage with couples counseling, so many different therapies for couples counseling till I found one he was listen to. I tried and tried, and was the only one putting in any work.

I had to go onto antidepressants. When this happens you need someone to 'spot' you as the doctors told me that antidepressants increase the chance of suicide. My husband couldn't even be bothered to do that. He couldn't check in on his wife, living in the same house, caring for his children in case she was suicidal.

The only person willing to do that was a close friend of both of us who actually cared. He would regularly talk with me through my stuff with my family while we gamed. He was my sanity. He was the dear sweet man who I have lived with now for longer then the marriage relationship. He is a wonderful caring human who treats me as an equal.

My husband cheated on me with escorts for a year. I found out this year.

After we had our daughter obviously it was harder to have sex, although my sex drive has always been bigger than his. We slept in separate rooms as he works in a hospital and needed his sleep. He blames that for cheating on me.

He wouldn’t have even told me if I hadn’t snooped on his spare phone and found out. Even after that, he went there. He said it is because he missed having fun and it was a stress release.

Meanwhile, I was working full time, studying, taking care of my mum who had cancer etc. He’d mostly go when his mum came to take care of our daughter and I was at work. Guess I’m stupid for still being with him.

I was a young fresh out of closet gay 18 year old and he was an older 24yo man who was able to pressure and manipulate me into starting to date him. It was a bad relationship but every time I tried to end it he would stop me before I could and gaslight me into thinking whatever problems I thought we were having were in my head or my fault entirely.

I didn’t see any other way out so I ended up deciding to cheat on him. It still took another 4 months for him to finally let me break up with him. I acknowledge it wasn’t a good way to handle that situation but I was young and felt backed into a corner at the time.

I had been serious with a guy for about a year and a half. Things in the relationship were terrible he was emotionally and physically abusive. Now I'm not an idiot, I tried to break it off for almost a year. I knew the relationship was bad for me. But, every time I tried to he would manipulate me back with various threats.

Well, one day I met this other brilliant guy, he immediately saw right through all the bullcrap, walls and fake smiles. I quickly fell for him and his wonderful personality. It was my fault, we just clicked with each other and became very close friends, I kissed him whilst still being with the abusive jerk but despite everything my ex did to me I still felt bad. Eventually, I managed to break up with the ex - not through lack of trying!

I'm still with my SO, it has been 5 years now. I feel bad still, it wasn't at all my SO fault. He was very innocent and was only trying to save me.

She developed vulvodynia (or something similar), then eventually a desire to be asexual (so far as she tells me). I tried, I really did, but there was also a complete lack of dialog about the matter, or anything like a cooperative attempt to match our needs. I'm so attracted to her, I would have accepted giving up PIV sex entirely if there was just some kind of physical alternative we could try. I still believe that we could have and should have found a way.

But instead, she alternated between giving intermittent, increasingly irregular intercourse (for which she took an intravulvar painkiller) and taking steps to actively avoid me, so I couldn't bother her. I didn't really act optimally during this period! Eventually, after having our second kid, she said that's it, you're never touching me again.

So, in those periods when she was cutting me off, I went to escorts, or had a couple of one night stands, or even a workplace FWB.

I honestly love this woman so much, more than anyone Ive ever met, so this spiral of degeneracy in our relationship has been like a slow mental torture. I dont even think there is a lesson to learn. Life just sucks sometimes

I was in a dud of a marriage. I married too young and against my better judgment. My husband was a controlling and sexually repressed man who did not respect me and I did not respect him.

I found out that my husband was on dating sites and talking to women online attempting to solicit dates. He was actively seeking to cheat and the only thing stopping him from taking it to a physical realm was the fact that none of the women were interested in him.

We worked on our marriage over the years to try to resolve his online cheating, but he'd always start up again. Eventually, I got so emotionally worn out by it that I just didn't have it in me to care much anymore.

I met a man at work who I was instantly attracted to on a mental and a physical level--something I'd never had with my husband. We started out with harmless conversations and became work friends. We then found excuses to text each other when not at work. We'd grab lunch together here and there...at first with groups and then with just the two of us. I couldn't wait to go to work every day and see him. I thought about him all the time. I knew I was heading toward dangerous ground but I didn't want to stop.

We started flirting and I began to sneak away from home to meet up with him for hikes, dinner, you name it. I met up with him for hours at a time on evenings and weekends, and my husband never really noticed because his attention was always occupied with his friends or his online chats with women.

My friend from work and I were always careful not to make physical contact, until one day in his car when he leaned over to help me with my jammed seat belt and he kissed me. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever felt in my life.

Over the next few weeks meeting up to have dinner turned into meeting up to find a secluded spot and make out in his car. Then that eventually turned into groping, touching,...you get the idea. I could not get enough of this guy.

I felt tremendously guilty the entire time because I never thought of myself as the type who would cheat. I came clean with my husband before my affair progressed any deeper. I broke off the affair and agreed to try marriage counseling. I quickly changed my mind when during the course of an argument (I didn't want to go to his church and he wanted me to) my husband slapped me and told me I wasn't allowed to have any unsupervised visits with my family or friends anymore.

After I told my husband I wanted a divorce, he attempted to destroy my life. He tried to get me fired, told all the neighbors and everyone at his church what happened, posted our business on Facebook tagging my friends and family, you name it. He also threatened to "beat up" the guy I had been cheating with which, honestly, would have only ended up in severe embarrassment and injury for himself.

It didn't take long after filing divorce papers for me to hook back up with my friend and officially start dating him. My husband harassed and threatened us both until my boyfriend called his bluff and then he just sort of faded out.

My boyfriend is now my husband and we have been together for 10 years and going strong. I love him more than anything and I respect him more than anyone I've ever met. I would never dream of cheating on him and I feel confident that he'd never cheat on me.

Because she was so insecure that it made her super controlling about my sexuality. First, I told her I had a dream of having intercourse with someone and it upset her a ton. Then, she wanted me to not look at adult movies. Took me to a relationship counselor, and brought it up. And the counselor suggested I did the same, which I was always willing to do. But of course, that wasn't the issue, she wanted total compliance and didn't want to go back to her.

Then she started getting upset whenever there was an attractive girl in a movie we watched, or a nude scene, or an attractive girl in the video games I played. Then she got upset when there was a nude image on a screen when I went to a Tool concert. Then she stopped wanting to have sex.

And no, I didn't go around making constant comments about other women, and yes I told her how much she turned me on, and what parts of her body I loved most. And no my porn habit wasn't causing me to neglect my life or our sex life.

It was a living hell and honestly, it killed my self-esteem and made sex a living hell and eventually I cheated. Honestly should have just broken up with her, but she was a narcissist with BPD, who psychologically abused me until I was a shell of my former self and I lost my self-respect and sanity from all the gaslighting, and disregard for my boundaries.

Never again will I put up with such controlling, abusive behavior.

I've been married for 4 years and never considered anyone but my husband. I am totally devoted and in love.

A year ago we both went out with some mutual friends. The night went on and he got tired but said I should stay since I never really 'go out.' I was excited to be outside of my comfort zone and drank too much. I blacked out and woke up naked in a bed with an acquaintance who is infamous for partying and her spouse. When I woke up I had 20 missed calls from my husband and the girl’s spouse was fondling me.

I went home and told my husband but it was hard because I couldn't remember more than a few seconds of what had happened the night before and a vague sense that it was all a nightmare.

I felt like I didn't even know myself. I had never wanted anything like that to happen. I wasn't attracted to either of those people and I'm not a flirtatious person. I hate being touched and I consider my husband to be the best thing in my life. He was not angry with me but I felt I couldn't live with what I did. I tried to kill myself and we moved from New York back to our home state of Nevada.

Things seem normal now but I still consider that night the worst of my life.

I was the mistress in a marriage. The guy was an old bf from high school, we dated off and on. When we were off he would date this girl Kelly, and when we broke up for the final time he went and married her. Almost a year after we broke up, I was back in town on summer break from college and ran into him at my summer job.

He gave me this sob story about how Kelly wanted a divorce and was taking his kid from him. I (stupidly) believed him, we exchanged numbers, started talking daily. He invited me over to "his" apartment, showed me his divorce paperwork, and ultimately things got sexual for a couple weeks.

One day I swung by to pick up a pair of earrings I'd forgotten the day before. His best friend from high school answered the door. I asked if guy was around, best friend said no why would he? Turned out Guy was actually house sitting for best friend, it wasn't his apartment. Best friend also informed me that Guy and Kelly were in the process of BUYING A HOUSE, their marriage was fine.

I was livid and disgusted. I went to work the following day, and in walks Kelly. I ask her what she's doing later that night and if she's available to talk. We meet up after I get off and I lay it all out for her. She teared up a bit, but ultimately she was pissed. She gives me their address and tells me to show up there unannounced the next day.

I do and Guy is white as a sheet trying to get me to leave. Kelly shows up and they end up in a screaming match. So Guy ended up getting divorced and settled with a chunk of child support because Kelly informed the right people about Guys pot plants. None of us talk anymore. When I think about it, I have to shower at least twice.

I cheated on my ex-husband. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate how much I hurt him.

We met in the army & got married way too quickly without really knowing each other super well. He deployed for a year shortly after we got married. After he got back home from Iraq, we really got to know each other better, fell in love, & all was great. He deployed again about 18 months after returning from Iraq. He was gone 9 months. When he returned home, he was a different person. Completely a different person. It was so sad & wildly heartbreaking.

I begged and pleaded with him to get help. He did eventually get diagnosed with PTSD. He refused to do any type of therapy and kept himself isolated from me.

After years of trying to help him any way I could, I checked out. I mourned the loss of our relationship. I was emotionally out of the marriage. We were living pretty much as roommates.

I was sad & lonely. I should have done the right thing and divorce him before getting involved emotionally or physically with another man, but I'm human & screwed up.

I texted an old boyfriend from high school one night after a few glasses of wine by myself. We quickly began an emotional affair, texting each other all day every day. My husband/roommate had no idea bc he paid no attention to me. Eventually we met up in person & that's when I physically cheated.

Eventually I did file for divorce and moved out. He did find out about the affair & I saw more emotion from him than I had the whole 10 years of marriage. I had broken him and I hate how much I hurt this man I once loved.

If anyone reading this is considering an affair or a fling of some sort while you're still legally married, despite how "married" you think you are or aren't, please don't.